Uncut

I have always been an opinionated person, we all are to some degree, some just choose to voice opinions more than others. I however have never been too shy about them, this can be both an asset and a detriment, while I do possess tact and know boundaries, there are certainly those not appreciative of my opinions, which is perfectly natural. Although what I fear more is those who do appreciate my opinions, is those who may not have agreed at first but have been swayed by my words and influence. This may sound like a very odd sentiment, especially when coming from a non fiction writer. but it is more so my earnest desire to showcase my opinions, legitimize them, rather than enforce them on others. 

This guilty responsibility of my own influence was called to my attention today by mother, who informed me she had severed all ties with her on again, off again, boyfriend of the past four years. Now it is common knowledge that I detested this man, I was very vocal about this through the entirety of their relationship, and it had gotten to the point where although he spent a majority of time in our home, we would not speak to one another. This was far beyond any immature childish hatred for the stepfather like figure one might imagine, this was a question of the sheer quality of his person. Now my own mother, though we have our own difficulties, is a fairly distinguished woman. She has a law degree and previously held her own firm, worked on school boards and in politics, involved in community affairs as a powerful figure for a long time. In her first marriage, to my father that is, she was always working for the law firm and my father was the primary caregiver, when she would return she was always stressed and overworked leading to many of our feuds and the downfall of their marriage. 

One would think after the painstaking divorce of a 14 year marriage she would make an effort to find a partner more suited to her personality, this was not the case. if anything the relationship with this vile native of Staten Island was one that could not be anymore opposite from her own beliefs. The man was back to living with his parents after his own divorce, a former alcoholic and a carpenter who was not a registered voter but had many similar beliefs to a republican, my mother abhorred republicans. One of my greatest fears of getting older, is being subject to the tired routine of “settling down” getting married and the like, it is the idea of settling itself. in fact the word “settle” has a very unsettling connotation in my mind. To settle is to come to a kind of compromise, I am very uncomfortable with the thought of compromising myself, as should anyone, it feels like a last resort, a quick fix. 

I informed my mother that I viewed her relationship as settling for less, and furthermore pushed my point by implying it was from her example that I was resolved to stay single, this was perhaps a little harsher than I needed to be, but true none the less. When she informed me of the break up, she cited my words as her reason to consider terminating the lengthy relationship. While I applauded what I considered to be a wise and beneficial decision to part ways with the verbally abusive man, I was still concerned my influence had gone too far, inflicted some application that would not have evolved naturally. I have suffered similar turmoil over the years in regards to my sister. In youth she was a bubbly blonde, a smiling, obedient christian. I have always been the darker, more serious sister, and an atheist from an early age. Now I have never instructed my sister that there was no God or consciously swayed her opinion on faith in anyway, but it is impossible to avoid the influence of an older sister. And in time she became much more like me, her hair darkened, ever present smile began to fade and her belief in religion diminished. It causes me to wonder about the extent of influence, can the creators of such ideas truly take responsibility in how they are reflected in others? I do not believe we can, Nietzsche was a major influence to Hitler in the holocaust though his own ideas did not condone brutality in the slightest. 

As a last comment I would like to say in all my disagreeing, and opinionated rants, I do not seek to change the views of others, merely to show my own perspective. Something I believe in very fundamentally is the beauty of debate, give me your best argument, and ill give you mine, we both take something away from the exchange.