Uncut

 Well actually it affects much more than just the female Caucasian population, but I’m almost positive it happens to us most often. Lets call it the Cher complex. Of course you all know the 90’s classic I’m referring to, and later cheesy television show. Alicia Silverstone really embodied the popular Beverly Hills blonde in Clueless. She also experienced the confusion of realizing the guy she really had the hots for, could very well be gay. 

Most of us have been there at one time or another. At first he seems like this really good-looking, sweet, nice guy with great fashion sense and totally gets you. Then you start getting to know each other, a connection is made, you think “this is just to good to be true, I thought all men were assholes!” of you course you flaunt him to all your friends so they can writhe with jealousy. Your friends agree he is totally charming and fun, but conclude it’s too bad he’s completely gay. 

Oh no. No no no, it can’t be…every woman’s worst nightmare, the unexpected fag hag! Suddenly you repeat every conversation prior, evaluating each confession in an attempt to hone your gaydar abilities, desperately searching for signs of heterosexuality. So what if his favorite movie is the Notebook, he could just be really sensitive right? Surely he’s not a “disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Barbra Streisand ticket-holding, friend of Dorothy” as a male character explains the attributes of gay men to a distraught Cher. In her case the guy in question did turn out to be gay, but sometimes it isn’t so easy to tell, he may not even know himself.

 Now I have plenty of male friends who are perfectly straight, but people have often questioned the sexuality of. They are just perhaps more image conscious or more effeminate than most. This is not uncommon especially in large cities like New York and Los Angeles who inhabitants are far more concerned with their appearance. Men of both preferences enjoy throwing their money around, dressing themselves up to gain a certain allure. Now I am not unfamiliar with what some may be called “pretty boys” I remember when guys to wearing girls pants and even sharing the occasional smooch was a fad. I never considered this gay. It was just thrilling; much like it is for girl on girl kisses.

But why did it concern me so much more in my early 20’s? Is it because I am that much closer to settling down? For as we all know the worst of all circumstances is for a relationship to fall apart down the line because one person switches teams, just ask Blair Waldorf. Perhaps we would be better off acting as the French do, where lines of heterosexuality and homosexuality are blurred if even present at all. In European customs individuals are simply sexual, drawn to whichever gender appeals to them. But here in America I fear we are not comfortable being so loose, we need absolute answers, definitions of what is acceptable and what is not.

If you happen to be going through the Cher complex, honestly the best thing to do is ask him. He most likely won’t be offended and has even heard it before. And if he is gay, at least you have a new shopping partner to check out boys with.